Everytime things make sense, everything shifts and things are messed up yet again. No matter how hard i try to sort them out, it never works.

With the good always comes a lot of bad, isnt it?

Im going to see him in a few days. Im really excited, but his parents are being fuckers and he has to pay for his car. (this means he might not be able to come up here this summer). With one of my dreams being realized, a million come crashing down.

Now i understand why kaly broke up with nick.

There was a few reasons, i guess, but mainly she said she didnt want him moving down here, you know- changing his life for her. Now jc wants too- and i dont know. What if it doesnt work? not that where i live isnt a nice city and all, but its not great. he said he doesnt care, its better than where he is now. Im not used to people caring for me the way that he does, it doesnt feel like it could be possible.

I hate love so fucking much.

I just dont get it.
We will see how this next week goes. I think it will be the most nervewracking week of my entire existance. EVER.

Im so sick. the cold has ravaged my throught. I hope im not sick when i got to see him tho, that could make life a little weird. What if i mess this up tho?
i havnt been single in so long.
Slowly over this past i have built my entire world to revolve around him. He is all i think about. What will happen if i mess it up? if he doesnt like me? fuck- if i dont like him. (which im pretty sure wont happen)

I just do not now what do.

I tear my heart open just to feel, sometimes.

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