Tis the season to be jolly.
ho ho ho.
Yah right:P
This xmas season has been a starnge one. regardless of the neverending parade of parties and well wishes, it doesnt fell like christmas. Well, its christmas eve now.

on a different matter-
I feel so defeated, you know. Its weird. I feel like Where is my Head by the Pixies makes me feel. By the way- thats an awesome song.

JC told me a few days ago that he thought i was a bad girlfriend- well, he didnt say that, but thats what i got out of it. He said that he tried harder, and that i didnt care enough. Well, thanks to this curse/blessing of knowing exactly how to make people feel horrible, i did just that.

'maybe i dont care as much as you do' - well, i said something along that line, anyways. I knew that tipped him pretty well off the edge of reason. With us our only fight was ever who is more wonderful. Now times have changed.

So, this christmas season has been a restless one, with that whole deal riding on the back of my head like a very large, very horny dog. Im not exactly what to say when it comes to him anymore, or how to act. Im just not as comfortable as i used to be.

Bottom line- Im really not a good girlfriend. I dont try hard, and i dont care enough. He was right. I think.

Im not too sure if i will have to break up with him or not. this is killing me! I almost did a few days ago. I just want normal relationships! I just want to not love him.

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