Lastnight/evening i had a crazy revelation. I think im one step closer to understaning exacly who i am. Crazy enough, i found myself through some oddball drawings and mini-stories on www.storeypeople.com . The guy who makes these are amasing. Even if they sometimes dont exactly make that much sense at first, once you puzzle over them a while you get the underlieing message. Then its wonderful. I get a little more about me.

I know that i don't make sense, that i wish for too much, i create my own problems, and most iportantly-

1)It's hardest to love the ordinary things, she said, but you get lots of opportunities to practice.

2)I'd like to leave you with something valuable, she said. You probably already have, I said, but we take most of our lives to remember that, even in the best of times

3)I'm not so good at taking my own advice, she said, but that doesn't mean I don't know what's right.

4)Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.

5)What do I get for this? I said & the angel gave me a catalog filled with toasters & clock radios & a basketball signed by Michael Jordan & I said, But this is just stuff & the angel smiled at me & swallowed me in her arms. I'm so glad you said that, she whispered to me. I knew you still had a chance.

6)MOST IMPORTANT- The day he first told me he was starting to disappear I didn't believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally I said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. Later on, I went to see him again & as I was leaving, he put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when I opened the package there was nothing there & I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it & I got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly I felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly I understood what he meant & I lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time.

there we go, these are all quotes from that website that just means so damn much to me. Thank you misser Andreas for helping me out.

Today was going to paint my room, just becaus i wanted too. My dad said i could paint some boards and put them up on the wall, but that just wouldnt feel the same so i decided not too. my mom said i could put a quote around the top. The one i really waned to put is the one i said was most important, but she said it was way too long. I said i could paint an entire wall like that. She said that wouldnt work. I know it would tho. Maybe i will do it anyways, just to see her reaction. I want my room to scream out ALLY whenever you even go into it. It kinda does already, but only my dark, confused and cluttered side. I want it to show both. I can be happy, i know i can. I want my room to show that.

Well, on a different note, Nick is here this weekend. fuck. I hate it. I wish JC were here, but he cant be, its different for us. We dont exactly have the money or the family support. It pisses me off so much.

Anyways, today my mom said the dumbest thing ever. K, i dont have my earlobes peirced, so she said i could go get them done, but she kinda didnt want me to. i have my ear cartilage done, and she didnt care about that. She didnt even want me to do my nose. Whatever, ill do it anyways. My body. Atleast im not getting FUCK ME tattoed across my forehead or something. See, it could be worse. Peircings are nothing. She keeps saying, 'no one in england has any peeircings, therefore its not cool' (she and my dad just got back from there) im like, i dont care what those prep fucks do. except i didnt say prep fucks, i said brits. whatever. same difference. Well, on the brightside of their escapade without me, i got 10 days without mom and dad, and a neat wool bag from York. that cloud had a bit of a dull silver lineing, i guess.

Well, this entry has been long and i feel compelled to continue writing but im kinda like fuckit in my mind, cause i dont have anything more to say. Um, um..

I do kinda worry about JC, i really hopes his love for me hasnt faded yet =/ I worry about that all the fucking time. I pray about it all the fucking time. Well, i dont liek to put it as pray, more like talk-to-the-gods. whatever. Im just rambling. Maybe i will ramble later, this has been fun. I need to get out of my house, btw guys.

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